The Key to Relationship-building Effectively
As human beings, being social is in our nature; so it’s understandable that the better our relationships are the happier we are.
Not only does this apply to our personal life, but to our professional life as well (especially considering how much time we spend at work). When you form good relationships with the people you work with, you will feel happier, more engaged, and more productive.
Relationships are crucial to positive feelings and results, no matter what your job is or if you are remote. Having positive work relationships has many benefits - not to mention it makes the hours spent at work way more enjoyable.
Relationship building doesn’t happen overnight and nurturing your connections takes consistency and intentionality. Some things may be obvious and others not so much, which is why we compiled a detailed list of ways you can form better relationships and nurture the ones you already have.
The Key to Forming Quality Relationships
Usually, people say to leave the best for last but when it comes to relationship building this is the best tip that will amplify your connections - so first let’s dive into why personalization is everything.
Remember names context
If remembering names is level one then remembering context is level two. Context reigns supreme when it comes to relationship building. When we say ‘context’ we mean the information that individuals share with you about themselves that goes beyond their name.
We’re talking about someone mentioning that they hate seafood or even if they are allergic! Okay, naturally we understand the importance of being aware of allergies, but don’t underestimate the power of remembering someone’s likes and dislikes. The seemingly small details are building block opportunities to demonstrate that you care, and make your interactions even better.
They say “A person's name is to him or her the sweetest and most important sound in any language,” and we go a step further to say that remembering is a love language.
Remember important dates (work-anniversaries, birthdays, etc.)
Someone recently shared with us how moved she was when her boss remembered it had been a year since her mother had passed. She said she didn’t expect people to remember and she couldn’t believe her boss did.
When it comes to building and maintaining relationships at work, it is about showing up in a meaningful way.
Care Instructions for Growth (theirs and yours)
We said remembering context is level 2 and applying it is the ultimate level of relationship management that people don’t talk about enough - it’s what we call care instructions.
You’ve probably seen the little paper that comes with a plant that has its care instructions.
Although we know that plants need water and sunlight, the degree to which they need it depends on the type of plant. Yup - plants, like people, are unique and require different care to survive and thrive.
Everyone has care instructions. It’s our preferences that separate us from others and are shaped by our unique experiences and background.
Many things impact how someone is (their personality, their home life, culture, and more) which is why although templates are great, they aren’t optimal when it comes to people.
Being mindful of one’s care instructions allows us to optimize the pros, while minimizing the cons, in collaboration and relationship building. Care instructions refer to how people work best, how they communicate best, how they learn best, etc.
This insight helps us show up better for others and support them in showing up as their best selves. When we take the time to be intentional in our relationships we create space for all of us to grow.
In the workplace this is crucial not only for individual and team growth, but morale as well. Cultivating a good work culture is similar to a gardener cultivating a healthy environment for their plants to thrive.
Limitations
Self-awareness
People may not be aware of their care instructions.
Someone may say they prefer direct communication but when you do it you can tell they get upset with you - adjust accordingly.
It doesn’t mean they are liars it just means that it is hard for people to objectively judge themselves - they’re called blind spots for a reason.
Maybe they genuinely don’t know and haven’t given it much thought but prompting them is a good way to start.
Language
It’s important to be clear not just on what someone says, but what they mean by it.
For example, someone’s idea of direct communication may look different than yours. This is why it’s important to make defining language a habit. So often people are discussing totally different things while in the same conversation and then get frustrated when there are misunderstandings. This cycle can continue as long as it takes until this gets cleared up, but that would mean they have to notice. Often this goes on a long time and people can wrongly blame the other person’s assumed shortcomings, when in reality the misunderstanding is rooted in something so basic that it is often overlooked.
To avoid these limitations
Use context. When you are deciding if an email had a positive or negative tone, don’t rely solely on the text. Think about how this person generally communicates and their personality.
Magnify These Relationship Building Tips
Now that you understand the power of personalization you can make the most out of these ways to build and maintain relationships at work and in your personal life.
Managing Yourself First
In order to effectively manage your relationships you also need to manage yourself first. Being able to manage your own emotions and be mindful of what shapes your perspective is crucial context that impacts your relationships. Be honest with yourself and explore your emotions with curiosity instead of judgement. There is no shame in the game of personal growth, and self-awareness is the first step.
What are your care instructions?
How can you teach others how to best grow with you?
Building Trust
Be honest
Some of you are probably reading this saying “Pffff, of course I’m honest,” as you skip to the next paragraph, but wait! It’s important to keep in mind that being honest isn’t always an intentional decision and isn’t as straightforward as it seems.
A big part of honesty is perceived credibility - meaning it isn’t only about what you say but what you do. Make sure your words are aligned with your actions or else people may question your reliability even when your intentions are good.
Be vulnerable
Don’t be afraid to share with others to the degree you are both comfortable with. Being vulnerable doesn’t mean divulging your secrets it means letting your humanity show. Sometimes we are so focused on keeping it together that we forget our mask can be taken off - and that it’s okay to do so.
When others are open it makes others feel comfortable to also be open.
Be consistent and manage your emotions
Control your emotions, don’t let them control you. Life happens and it’s important to honor your feelings and be authentic to yourself. However, it is not okay to let your emotions define how you treat those around you.
Being Considerate
Of others’ time
Of who is with you
How your words may affect them
Read the room
Checking-in regularly
Consistency is key - we talk a lot about the importance of 1:1s in connecting people and driving high performance and satisfaction.
Check-ins keep people in tune with one another and are a great opportunity to update those always evolving care instructions!
We invest our money, time, and energy on chasing wellness and improvement - why don’t we invest in our connections? Relationships are vital to personal happiness, wellbeing, and success yet they are often overlooked.
The pandemic and working remote reminded us of the importance of connections, and it’s time we realize and prioritize the social aspect of our health.
The future of work is social and in order for businesses to succeed they must facilitate a connected workplace where their people can grow and realize their potential.